Saturday 17 January 2009

It was so cold (back in Goshen Indiana last weekend) that...

(Photo taken by Julia King at her home around midnight January 17, 2009 - Goshen, Indiana)

It Was So Cold That...

- hitchhikers were holding up pictures of their thumbs.

- Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick.

- Boy Scouts were offering to de-ice little old ladies.

- UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii.

- the anticipation of waiting for the ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three whole months.

- roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker.

- when I dialed 9-1-1, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring.

- the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence.

- words froze in the air: If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire.

- when I got sick, my wife made me a block of chicken soup.

- kids' grades seem to be improving at school: when you apply the wind chill factor, a 57% looks like 93%.

- the cosmetics counter at Wal-Mart was selling cream for goosebumps.

- hockey games added a new penalty: when players stopped moving when they had the puck, it was called "De-icing."

- my wife invented a new dessert: Jell-O Crunch.

- the radio was broadcasting iceberg warnings to motorists.

- I figured if I got lost, the only good thing would be how well preserved I'd be when somebody finally found me.

- they took down the sign that said "Water Park" and put up a new one that said "Luge Run."

- instead of yelling "Freeze!", cops are yelling "Go outside!"

- we traded in the family car for a zamboni.

- the Post Office changed its motto: they decided that there ARE some things that can keep them from their appointed rounds!

- skateboards actually work pretty good without the wheels.

- it took me two hours to walk up the street: my shadow kept freezing to the sidewalk.

- my car wouldn't run, but my nose wouldn't stop.

- the City Council voted to weatherstrip the town limits.

- President Bush has been telling even more outrageous lies, hoping his pants might catch on fire.

No comments:

Post a Comment